Welcoming 2010

Welcome!!

Liking Mandy Moore

I very much like the movie ‘A Walk to Remember’. I love the story, I love the cast, I love how it ends, and I definitely love the songs. The movie makes me have the feeling of real love and romantism. Its simple yet very true. Not exagerated and still very touching.

It was that particular movie that makes me listen to Mandy Moore’s singing. The first time I ‘heard’ Mandy Moore is in junior high when some of my friends talks about how much they dislike her. Her cloth, her voice, her moves, even her lips.

Well, the first thing I notice from her is her name. I don’t like it when the first and the surename is start with the same letter. Betty Boops, Mandy Moore (except for Keira Knightley because it pronounce a bit different, not with the strong ‘K’ in ‘Knightley’).

But the whole thing change the moment I acknowldge her in this movie. I immediatly like it when she plays the main role as a quirky-nerdy-dreamy yet talented Reverand’s daughter. It is when she sings ‘Only Hope’ that I dicided that I have to get the film’s ost. And, she difinitely look better with brown hair than the usually blonde.

After that, there’s ‘Center Stage’. ‘I Wanna Be With You’ is still one of my fave. But, I don’t remember seing her in another movie except as supporting role in ‘The Princess Diary 1′ where she sings a version of ‘Stupid Cupid’.

Well, I would like to she her acts again if it would be like in the ‘A Walk to Remember’.

The Sucking Thing

The most sucking thing is when you feel that you done everything you can do, you have give everything you could ever give, yet people expect you to do else, to behave differently, to act better, to do much more than you ever imagine, just because you’re a wife, just because you’re a mother, just because you’re a woman.

A woman (daughter, wife, mother) equal to a housekeeper, a financial note-taking, a tailor, a nanny, a cook, a concubine, a servant, a prostitutes. All at the same time.

The Negative

Fell like dying. Worthless. Unneeded. Not good enough. Garbage. Dump. Unworthed. Stupid. Silly.

The Book

I know of a book, a poetry book, which I’m very much fond of due to its pretty cover and beatifully written words.

I was in junior high and was a bookworm when I first spotted that book. Although it was being placed in a shelve in a way that no one could possibly noticed it exist, the book soon catch my intention for its worned – look.

Its tiny size match perfectly to my hand. Its cover, dark-brown in color, style in a simple dove-layered jacket, was so far to my taste. A woman, holding a flower and leaned over her head to her shoulder was the image which I found illustrated its front cover.

And the pages, made of light-paper as in paperback ed. It has brown-faded color, making it look classy and at the same time, antique. I can found a small illustration of flower in every corner of the pages. Just a small one, in the tip of the edge in each and every pages.

I use to spent my time standing between bookshelves in the bookstore where they keep that poetry book, unnoticed. I use to ran my fingers trough its sentences, embracing and soaking each and every words as if they were the last I could ever read.

Now, I cannot remember what words was written in there. But I can still remember the feeling I had whenever I let my hand in hold of that book.

Whenever I read a poem from that book, I felt the world surround me was turn into a far defferent universe, where the sky were as blue as can be, where a group of clouds magically forming shapes, where I can feel the wind breeze over, touching my cheeks smoothly and blew away my hair.

I love the sensation so much I came back often to that bookstore and go right away to the same aisle and stand there and soaking my soul deeply into every words that was written there. Those were one of my favorite moments. Moment that I cherish so much.

Until someday, when I do my usually routine walking towards the same aisle I use to stand for hours reading that precisely same book, I found that the item I search for was already gone.

I never again saw that book. I guess, it’s gone forever. But the memory still last.

Our world-Environment and Fair Trading (another mumble)

Sometimes knowing or learning about something can lead you in despair.

Yesterday night, I have a chat with a friend who thinks that climate change issue is simply a hoax. Its exagerating, overrablowned, overrated. Its merely a hidden agenda from the developed country in way to gain profit from the world tax of carbon trading.

She thinks that people were distracted from the real problem the world is facing, which is the global economic crisis and the growing number of unemployment around the world.

I say, thats an interesting opinion. I never think of climate change issue is overrated. I believe worst thing is happening and we do need to do something quick before it is really too late.

I’ve watch Al Gore’s movie. I have watch ‘Earth’. I read and follow the news around this. And even if Al Gore do have certain interest in releasing the film since he was afterall a politician, it doesnt contradict the message. Climate change is real, no matter debunking motives were put in there.

Knowing about some hidden agenda in some of the most widespread social and environment issue doesnt mean the whole thing is fabricated.

Its true that the world we’re living on is dying. Its not a lie that the nature imbalance were the result of human’s cluelessness and irresponsible activities. And it is our obligation to save the mother earth by acting in a way that would cause minimum damage to what have already broken. Includes economy.

If you care about the world, about human, about animal, about your own family existence, learn that we are all connected in every aspect of life. Buying a cup of caramel latte in a fancy coffe shop using plastic cup helps the fish in certain area in the ocean to vanish. All the garbage that is difficult to decompose were thrown into the sea, resulting an island of dump in the middle of the ocean. It spoils the quality of the shore. Lots of sea creature depend on the clear water to survive, and we’ve ruin it.

If you dont care about the environment, than how bout other human? Have you ever think of an original price of a branded blouse or handbag you bought in exclusive shopping retail such as Sogo, or Debenhams and many others? Have you ever think how the cute little purse could be placed in those shining and magnificent counter? Have you ever think where it came from?

A lot of branded items were made in a certain country where they build thousands of damp factories. Inside the factories, tiny hands of childrens or rough fingers of a young innocent woman scrapping trough piles of buttons or sewing in corridor where even the sunshine couldn’t peek.

They receive a week payment not even close to equal a glass of that over-calories-caramel latte. Even the queen of multilevel marketing, Sophie Martin knows this. She stop the production in that country if the employer refuse to granted the employment a proper wage. The Body Shop know this. But do we know this? Do we care?

Watch ‘Blood Diamond’. Its a very thrilling movie. Played beautifully by Leonardo DiCaprio (I never like him before until I wathc this movie). Its shows how a tradition of presenting expensive and classy diamond ring for your fiancee could cause the death of a child’s dream in other part of the world. It could even lead to a massive destruction of an entire community.

Take example Indonesia. Our people have had suffer for centuries. Because of what? Because of pepper, rubber, tin, oil, cocoa and other mother nature’s glory. How do we feel if we know that the cocoa we have planted we our blood and tears, we have plough with sorrow, and we have harvest with our bare hand, and yet we receive liitle for the hardwork, barely to keep our child to stay in school. Whilst, somewhere in europe, the cocoa bean had turn into a fancy and expensive christmast chocolate and now in a hand of a fat-naughty boy who parade the gifts to his envy-looking friends who are now running to their own parents begging to have the same sweeties for their chrismast present. And whose smile is the biggest in this chrismast? Certainly not the cocoa farmer.

I think it is wise to consume in a modest and more mannered way by paying attention on where and how the things is produced.

Again and Again

Why do I have to be so stubborn? Can’t I just accept all of it instead of keep on defying? Life would’ve been less complicated if I manage to do that. How ungrateful!

Love Is A Flower

Love is like a flower. There are times to blossom and there are times when it needs to fade. Because love isn’t always the right thing. Love isn’t always made for each other. And even sometimes, love isn’t made for you. And yet, you still couldn’t help to fall in love. When it happens, you need to let it grow, to let it fly and blossoming. And after that, there’s no other way than to hide it, making it fade, or else, to kill it. Because love aren’t always made for you, no matter how beautiful or electrifying. No matter how it promise you heaven. Love, aren’t always made for you. (background song: Utada Hikaru, Hikari-music box version)

Television: The Magic of 20th Century – part 1

Television lowers our capacity for concentration, blunts the passion and impedes the reflection, imposing itself as the main – almost the only – vehicle of knowledge. And yet no truth is more illusiory than that of television, wich transform every event and every emotion into a spectacle, with a result that no one can be moved anymore, or indignant about what is going on. Television has loaded us with huge masses of information, but left us morally ignorant. (Tiziano Terzani in ‘A Fortune-Teller Told Me’)

Escaping The Mist

Feelin’ so stupid. I never tried to do everything by myself. I’m not trying to be a supermom, who can do the housework at the same time while getting extra money out of home. I know I would need help to do so. But as a mother, I have to be convinced that whoever serve the help can provide the kind of assistance I needed. I don’t ask much and I don’t let anyone to do only less.

Do I let too much expectation to one person? I expect him to love me. I expect him to be father, a husband, who can care and give attention. I expect him to be an equal partner, who would help me with a little housework and would willing to buy some diapers while on his way home from the office. I expect him to eat each breakfast I’ve made (or buy) for him, even though if it’s only a simple dish such as ommelets. Now who would eat all the ’semur jengkol’ I’ve bought for him? My mistake, he didn’t ask for it, it’s true.

As often as about food, he just never specified what he want or what he expect from me. He would only leaving me with anxious heart and mind full of questions, sometimes hurted. How can I’m not hurted if I’ve already awake in the morning and rushing with my daily routines without even him giving me a simple attention such as saying ‘good morning’ or just ‘hello’? That I have skipped my own extra time in bed so I can provide him with clean house and simple breakfast while at very limited time I also have to breastfeed Asha, going to the market, cooked some rice, washing the dishes and sometimes, I have also deadline with my own part-time job?

I tried my best to be a thoughtful wife, undemanding, understanding and always let my husband and child’ needs comes first at my list. Of course, I tried to find some job out of home or other activities beside household and child caring not just because to avoid the ‘trapped’ feeling with all the pressure at home, but also to provide our little family with extra income so that the burden wouldn’t relied to my husband only. But, I’m just not a supermom.

I’ve never demanded him to fulfil each and every needs, but I do want him to be more open, to tell me whats goin’ on inside his head and what’s in his heart. Maybe I have to rearrange my life so that maybe, I could see more clearly and understand what was actually happening. Don’t wanna be inside that heavy mist any longer.