To me, working at home is a form of compromise.
And if I may, and be able to choose, I prefer to work myself to death. But since I have my children, I just couldn’t possibly abandon them and pursuing what was used to be my personal goals.
To me, raising a family doesn’t mean you have to enslave youself and becomes a martyr. Of course my children has become a significant part of my life. They are my other-half. My life, like it or not, is evolves around their development. And align with that, so is my purpose in life.
I never wish for a life that is full of luxury and comforting. I never wish to settle down before. My marriage does not refer to a preposition where a woman’s life ends in happily-ever-after with her husband and children and their pretty house with a lawn and car(s) in the garage. I never dreamed of such a life.
I wanted a life that is full of exploration and adventure. I needed a life where I can feel useful. I needed acknowledgement. I wanted a life that’s worth to be struggled upon because it connects to other people surround me. I want to know what happen in the rest part of the world and be an active part of it. I don’t wanna evolve only around my self, husband, children, parents or in-laws. That’s not what I want!
So when my husband ask me today to live in place far far away from the busyness and the humming of a big city where people mingle and new things happen within second just because it is way more affordable and because he sees that we can actually gain money from work at home, I promptly say, ‘NO’!
(actually it is because the place is right next to his mother’s house. I believe it was his mother’s suggestion.)
I needed those busyness, I needed the tenses, I needed the hectic style, the jungle feeling, the competitiveness. I needed the struggle, though that doesn’t suggest I love living trough hardship and make myself tired for nothing. I needed the sense of doing something important, something bigger then just my self and my own personal life. I am still young. And is not my time to retire yet.
And above all, I wanted to teach my children to see and live outside their own personal necessity. They needed house, yes. They needed cloth, education, food, yes. But I want them to also think about self-fulfilment. About what they can do with their life, how they can utilize any talents and the many interest they have.
I don’t want them to feel stuck and hopeless and unworthed. I want them to be confident and think more then just living their live or go with the flow. I want them to have wishes and dreams that will make them useful and blossoming.
That’s why I am struggle to keep on working, either outside or at home. Not just because I needed the money, but more because I needed to show my daughters what they can also do or become in their future life. Which is to utilize their life, to be a subject, and to do something.