One of my friend once call me “specialist generalist”.
She refers to my roles and responsibility in my working environment in which I involve in almost everything in small portion to actually produce or create nothing. In other words, I am specializing on working on general thing in a broad range but with limited scope of contribution and result.
It is not that difficult actually, but I think I no longer want to do that.
I have actually wanted to stop parading my private issue to everyone in this world. However, I decided to break that resolution as the disturbance I felt keeps getting stronger.
This week I was informed on my new title and level of work in my office. I have been working for this organization for almost three years now. When I was informed over my new title for the first time, I feel almost unmoved. I have actually anticipate that they would assign me this title with the roles and responsibilities that attach to it – seeing the type of support I provided for them. I wasn’t particularly dislike the new title or the job description that will follow. Actually there won’t be significant difference between my previous title with the one I should be bearing starting this February. And so I assume, there won’t be much difference also with the roles and responsibilities, and it was confirmed indirectly last night.
My concerns is more on whether I wish to do this same thing again for the next one year at least. This brings me to reflect on the reason why I took the job in the first place: a colleague from the previous job I take needed someone who can help them with a certain level of task. I was’t trained in this general task, mind you. I have my degree in Media studies but it doesn’t mean I cannot do other thing – which does not refer that I am comfortable working on this specific field of task though. But the project really interest me as it involves working with various organizations across the globe and dealing with environmental-human rights related issue. If I am to work in the project, I wanted to be really involve in it. And so we agree with a change in the title with a slightly expanded job description which do not restrict my job to only that specific work. But on the run, I am dealing mostly with this specific task with limited authority and decision making roles and limited opportunity to actually upgrade myself. The compensation is, seeing subjectively, the salary was doubled from my previous job.
I am not saying that working in this specific task is less valuable then working in other field of tasks. It is a matter of expectation and future plan. It’s a matter of level of responsibilities and authority. It’s a matter of opportunity to provide significant level of contribution in the decision making process. It’s a matter of personal and professional development.
It is not their fault. It is matter of what level of skill and knowledge I posses and what sort of value I can bring to the team. I was actually having quite a hard time in my first year joining as my level of roles and responsibilities limit me from substantially involve in the project – which was also the result of the level of skills and knowledge I have that time. I am dealing with what my very subjective opinion called as mundane and mindless task with significant degree of fulfilling what other people is preferring. I receive a good salary, yes, but lack a sense of fulfillment and gratification with low added value to my personal development which influence my future plan.
I have been struggling to define what I want to do, capable to do, and what my passion is for as long as I can remember. I am interested to many things but also have significant list of things that I don’t wish to do either professionally or personally. I ended up doing a little bit of this and that without being able to actually upgrading certain skills or expertise.
But I do believe in this one thing: any experience, good or bad, is valuable and there is a reason why I am doing what I am doing now. It is just a matter how you put things through and what you can do with it.
I still have one more chance to think it through before taking my final decision. My current stand is that I would most probably look for another opportunity somewhere else. People I talk to, including my own partner, says that I should think this through and to not taking haste decision and to consider my age. But it has been three years now, it may be a good time to start taking a different step. This might be a good time to find something else to do, to upgrade myself, getting a further qualification (applying to graduate school) so I won’t stuck in this situation.
I do have list of things I would like to explore. Maybe it is time to actually bring it into action.